Rune Factory Oneshots
by TheEchoingSoul
Summary: Multiple one shots that are mostly humourous and are not limited to one Rune Factory game. Suggestions or requests are welcome with open arms! Multiple pairings.
1. Watering Can

Micah had become aware of his high voice recently. His own daughter had told him he had a "girly" voice just the other day and when he asked his friends they slowly admitted that he did. It bothered the blonde half-human, but what could he do? It was his natural voice...which he blamed was high due to being part wooly. He eventually decided that it had never been a problem before so why should it bother him now?

One day, he was opening a pack of gummies from Yue for his daughter when Daria suddenly ran into him, causing the package to rocket into his mouth and he swallowed harshly, the packet tearing at his throat as it went down like a rock...not that he had ever eaten a rock before. He coughed, turning to Daria, "watering can! I need my watering can!"

Daria stared at him, wide eyed. "Rainbow! You sound like a chain smoker..."

"What?"

"Daddy's a chain smoker!"

Micah's voice eventually went back to normal after nearly a whole season had passed. He resolved never to go near a package of gummies again and to teach his daughter that 'chain smoker' was a bad word.


	2. Attack of the Killer Turnip!

Aria looked at her brother, his face mirroring her own horror, and together they slowly turned their heads to stare back down at the strange phenomenon in front of them. They blinked, wondering who was capable of pulling such an elaborate trick, but knew no one could have. They were the only ones that came this far into Messhina Valley on a regular basis.

Their field had grown turnips. Turnips! Turnips don't grow in autumn! Yet, the spinach had been replaced with turnips and they were ripe for the picking.

Aria took a tentative step closer and squatted down before the vegetable. She grabbed the leafy top firmly and yanked it, expecting it to come out easily, but it didn't. The turnip had just come out halfway when Aaron pulled his sister away from it. He was panicked as he pointed at the skin of the turnip, which was nearly transparent, and then Aria saw it too.

The turnip had a face.

A face!

The scrunched face peeled open its eyes and screeched at them as the two scrambled away, covering their ears, as it rose up from the ground and ran straight for them.

Aria and Aaron ran away screaming, all of their combat skills forgotten. They bypassed several monsters, who were rather shocked at the outlandish event, and then, as they were nearing the entrance to Messhina Valley, Aaron tripped. His sister stopped a few feet away, watching in horror as the turnip descended upon him. It was then that Aria finally remembered that she could use magic. She roasted the turnip with a fireball, the vegetable's final screeches haunting them as they went back to the field to burn the rest of the possibly sentient turnips. By that time, the sun was starting to rise and when they arrived the field was once again filled with spinach.


	3. Telephones

Frey watched her daughter in exasperation as the young teen chattered loudly on the newest invention, the telephone. It allowed for communication across cities faster than letters could be delivered. Technology surely was advancing, but the mother was unsure it was in the right direction.

'She's only thirteen, just who could she be talking too?' Frey thought, listening intently for her daughter's lengthy and increasingly more frequent calls.

"Yeah, I'll see if mom can get them. Bye, Dad."

'Oh, Arthur,' Frey thought, returning to the headdress she was making.

Arthur been gone from Selphia for nearly three months, just around the time her daughter persisted that they buy one from a merchant that Barrett and Raven introduced to them as Yue. She carried all sorts of things from far off places, like Green Lake and the capital. Yue also stocked up on items that were hard to come by and often saved Frey from having to travel to the depths of a dungeon to fight hostile boss monsters, not that she minded going if needed.

She finished attaching the last flower and asked her daughter to try it on, making sure it would fit Margaret's daughter who was a mere year younger than her own. The garment fit and she wrapped it up for Thursday's party.

"Hey, mom, do we have anymore big crystals?"

"Hmmm, yeah, there should still be a few left in the trunk. Do you need them for something?"

"No, nothing big," Luna replied, though Frey's mother senses were tingling that she wasn't telling the truth.

"Hey, can you show me a demonstration of the shine spell again, please?"

Frey frowned, but agreed. She followed her daughter to the square and recited the spell from memory. Orbs of bright light surrounded her in rotation as Luna watched in interest at the magic, and then asked for another demonstration.

Luna tried to mimic the spell, having to read the spellbook to keep her words straight, but after nearly two hours succeeded in a proper spell.

"I'll go get some drink to celebrate, be back in a moment!" Before Frey could protest her daughter was already far in the distance.

The woman sighed to herself, curious and worried as to Luna's strange behaviour. She turned back to pick up a broken vase that Luna had shattered when she heard footsteps behind her.

"Luna , you're acting stranger than normal and I-" she turned around and paused, taking in the person in front of her before jumping him. "Arthur!"

The blonde bespectacled man smiled, returning the embrace. Luna watched from further back, smiling at the scene that she had orchestrated for her parents. Phones were rather useful for things like this.


	4. Raguna's Rock Business

Rocks. There were rocks _everywhere_! Raguna couldn't even get out of his door thanks to the boulders, and his hammer was a piece of crap since he didn't have the right forging materials to update it. So, he was stuck in his house with a crappy hammer for nearly two hours before he remembered he had a back door.

The brunette walked outside and sighed deeply before starting the tedious task of picking up rocks, but then an idea struck him. He smiled to himself and set about creating a rock path in his backyard. Bianca had said something about them being popular some time ago, and it would give the poor rocks some form of use.

Raguna ignored the stares he got from his self-claimed arch nemesis, simply explaining the idea to his friends and taking breaks here and there for the next week.

After the week was over, Raguna marvelled at his work. Taking pride in his hard work and design. It also just so happened that a traveler liked the idea so much that he hired Raguna to build him one as well.

From then on, word of Raguna's skill spread far and wide. The young man was sent from town to town, building amazing rock paths and gardens. He became rich and prosperous, marrying Mist three years later, but then went bankrupt after 'natural' came back in ten years after that.

But, Raguna returned to farming. He liked doing that, but was still faced with the problem of the appearance of rocks in front of his house.


	5. Listen to the Voice of Your Vegetable!

Lest and Frey stared at the ripe Spring crops, fully intent on getting this right. During the last Harvest Festival, Kiel had told them to _listen to the voice of your vegetable_, and they fully intended to give it a shot.

They both hadn't even placed during the last Harvest Festival, unable to really communicate with their judges and their responses had been all wrong. It didn't help that they had been trying to save all the Guardians at the time and had somewhat neglected their duties to the field.

However, they planned to take the time out to really listen to the earth and their food. They were Earthmates after all, this should be a piece of cake!

Two Hours Later

"I-I think I'm channeling that Pink Melon!" Frey excitedly whispered, not wanting to sever her connection to the pink fruit.

"What's it saying?" Lest asked curiously. He had been trying to communicate with a potato, but the thing was amazing at playing the quiet game. No amount of pestering, prodding, or pokes would make it respond!

Frey scrunched up her brow in concentration, "I-It's saying..._Help Me!_"

Lest blinked at the girl sitting next to him in the dirt, unsure of if he should stop her. However, this would prove fruitless as the Pink Melon's spirit possessed Frey's mouth.

"_You murderers! I saw what you did to the cabbage, don't you dare lie! He had children, you know! They now have nightmares of you both coming and taking their father away! No amount of therapy or apologizing will ever fix their traumatized minds!"_

Lest moved several feet away as the possessed Frey started sobbing. She turned her eyes to him and glared, "_How would you feel if I cooked you two up, huh? Why I oughta-"_

Lest did the only thing he could before the possessed Frey could draw her Light Gloves out: smash the pink melon to bits.

Frey let out an unsettling screech before falling over.

After several minutes of deep breathing and collecting their bearings, the Prince and Princess looked at each other.

"Let's just agree to never talk of this again," Lest slowly started, "and go back to eating food and growing it without paying attention to what they're saying."

"I second that," Frey stated as she stood up and dusted herself off.

The two picked up the bits of pink melon and threw them away, and then went back to ignorantly ripping apart veggie families.


	6. Third Party

This was my first time visiting outside my home town and my mother had been frantic about letting me go traveling with what she dubbed "crazy people" out their.

However, I can write home with a clear conscious as Sharance seems like a rather peaceful village. The innkeeper was very kind, though a bit strange, and her two daughters were zany but certainly not "crazy." The food here has also been amazing and it wasn't until I was on my second plate of french fries and cheesecake that something peculiar happened.

Some boy a few tables over stands up and pulls a small piece of paper out of his pocket and began this long speech that basically declares his love for the girl sitting across from him. It, though sappy, was pretty sweet and romantic, and ends in him proposing.

Then things got really strange very fast.

"Sofia, will you marry me?"

"_No_."

And then the blonde and lavanderette girl hug and everyone starts congratulating them. Another purple haired girl even starts going off about making wedding outfits out of cheese fondue and feathers and then a large, portly man with green hair and a monocle starts proclaiming that the whole thing was a disaster!

What? I don't get it...maybe my mother was right.

"Ow!" I state, turning to the girl next to me who was holding a giant syringe.

Well, I don't have a good feeling about this.


	7. How Kyle Really Lost His Memory

Kyle had walked an unknown amount of miles to Alvarna. He crossed frozen tundras, cracking deserts, shady forests, and chilly autumn weather. Monsters chased him and he had his lunch stolen by an orc, which is why he forever couldn't befriend the creatures. They also almost stole just about every gold he owned, but he managed to get away with a measly two-hundred, which wasn't even enough to afford dirt. He had tried, but the soil rejected him and wanted two-hundred and one gold, nothing less. Hungry, broke, and confused Kyle continued to walk to Alvarna. He had a mission and that town would be his new home. He really hoped they wouldn't steal his money when he arrived for things like hoes.

He eventually gave up and fell asleep on the ground, but then the woolies attacked him and tried to steal his shoes. He ran away, but tripped and fell. His head hit a jagged rock and he passed out. After an unknown amount of time he awoke, unsure of who he was or why he was there.

He wandered into Alvarna and saw some pretty Sakura trees and then he met Mana.

She eventually stole his money.


	8. Why Raguna's Tools Sucked!

Raguna looked up at Mist, his saviour, with awe. However, upon looking at his tools, the various stumps, and then his rusty axe in particular he cast her a questioning glance.

"Mist, how am I supposed to plough the field when it's covered in stumps?"

She tilted her head to the side, giving him a look that clearly read: isn't is obvious?

"Use the axe."

Raguna looked down at the rusty tool. The handle was jagged and the blade nearly dull and lopsided and loose. One hard swing and the blade looked ready to take flight.

"Yeah, but...well, this axe is pretty old," he started carefully. He may be an amnesiac, but he wasn't ungrateful or without tact.

"I feed you and quench your thirst, give you tangible-though awful-land that will take a long time to fix cause your tools suck, figured out you're an earthmate, and just tricked you into becoming a farmer to become my turnip slave and you want more!?" she asked agitatedly, as if Raguna were having a love affair that involved mauling turnips to some strange turnip-hating-deity.

Raguna sweatdropped, "Ummm...yes?"

"Get to work, you broke beggar."

Raguna watched as the strange blonde daintily walked several steps before coming back over to him, shoving turnip seeds into his hands, and then went back on her way.

Raguna stared down at the turnips, then at his tools, and then at the stump-littered field, before repeating the process a few times over. He eventually sighed and got to work on doing what Mist wanted.

He'd have to find someway to fix his rusty axe, or Mist would have his head both literally and metaphorically, damn it.


	9. The Horse Knight

This was a request for hina ichigo.

* * *

Frey reached up on her tip-toes, straining her arms and legs in her fruitless attempts to reach the opening of the trap door which she had fallen into. Frey hadn't known Obsidian Manor to have any trap-door in all her explorations, and this false sense of security lead her to this point.

Frey winced, her ankle likely twisted and swollen with how much it was throbbing. She tried to keep pressure off it as much as possible. She had given both her cure and return spells to Leon for upgrades, but the priest had already been doing something for Kiel.

She reached up again, her hand a good foot or two from the opening.

"H-hey, is someone down there?" She glanced up in hope, recognizing the voice as belonging to Dylas.

"Dylas! Thank god you're here," the girl cheered, instantly perking up. "Can you help me out of here, please?"

"Uh, sure," he replied, grabbing both her hands and pulling her up so that she could grip the frame. He let go and readjusted his hold as Frey pulled herself up more, allowing him to hook his hands under her arms and pull her the rest of the way out.

He blushed when she leaned against him, "Thank you."

"W-whatever, idiot." He let go and turned away to hide his red face, but recoiled when he heard her wince in pain. "Hey, are you alright?"

"I sprained my ankle a bit," Frey admitted, surprised when Dylas stooped down and gently analyzed the appendage.

"We should have Nancy and Jones take a look at it," Dylas stated, standing back up. "Do you have a return spell on you?"

Frey shook her head, and decided to tease him a little, "Guess you'll just have to carry me, huh?"

"S-shut up," Dylas muttered, but turned around and leaned down, indicating for Frey to get on his back.

The girl carefully hooked her arms around his neck, her legs supported by his arms.

"You're pretty light," he remarked, and Frey almost felt offended at his genuine surprise, but let it go as the boy was already way outside his comfort zone.

Dylas was relieved that Frey couldn't see his face during the walk back to Selphia. His face was beet red and he hoped the faux princess couldn't tell that his hands were getting clammy from being in such close contact with her thighs, which felt smooth and toned, rousing his imagination. He mentally kicked himself, knowing that it was wrong to fantasize about Frey's smooth skin when she was injured, but thanked whoever was up there for letting him find her first.

He jumped a little in surprise when she rested her head against his shoulder, her breaths tickling his neck. Dylas paused for a moment to look at her, and wasn't able to stop the amused smile from etching onto his face.

Frey had fallen asleep.

"You're really naïve," he whispered softly. Dylas couldn't help but wonder if Frey knew how she made him feel like he was being attacked by Native Dragons, but in a good way, or if she recognized him as a _man_ with impulses and needs.

Dylas stepped into the last room of the mansion, relieved that Frey had probably defeated Marionetta upon her entrance hours earlier, and quickly walked out the door and into the sunlight.

The walk to the clinic was short, much too short for his liking, but he-reluctantly-released Frey into the care of Nancy. He was invited to stay, the nurse assuring him that Frey would be alright after a Cure spell and some rest.

The boy ended up agreeing and plopped into an empty seat to wait, idly passing the thirty minutes that it took for Frey to awaken.

"Come 'ere," she sleepily ordered.

Dylas, intrigued, followed the order and moved closer to her.

She indicated for him to bend down before she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a peck on the cheek. "Thanks for being my knight, Dylas."

His face, he knew, had reached an all new level of red, and he sputtered for a moment before finally coming up with an appropriate response.

"Anytime."


	10. How to Obtain a Man -Mana Style

"Mommy, will you tell me a story about daddy?" Mana looked at Aria and nodded, waiting for her to settle.

"You look just like him, Aria. His name was Kyle and he was a poor sap with amnesia that I conned. That's how you get a good man, Aria. Look for the ones with no baggage, girlish midriff clothing, and a sucker for helping people. He was a farmer, mostly because I forced him to be. That's another thing hunny, force your man into a profession if he doesn't have one when you meet. Anyway, being a farmer I never expected him to become rich or anything, but I have standards. Money isn't everything, but don't marry a penniless bum or else. Your daddy, though girlish looking, was actually quite skilled with a sword and fire magic."

"One time, your daddy was entertaining your aunties and caught mommy's favourite scarf on fire."

Aria looked up at her mother when she paused, "What happened next?"

"He went to Natalie for some unexplainable injuries and I made matching love-orc sweaters for us. The end, time for bed Aria. Remember what mommy told you."

The Next Day

"Hey, Orland, Leonel, do you guys have jobs?"


	11. The Sparky Horse Song

Sparky horse,

Lightning horse,

Long mane of white,

Loving carrots,

Drinking milk,

Neigh, neigh, neigh.

Blue horse,

Hybrid creature,

Wild and untamed

Prancing through an aquatic domain

Sipping water,

gulp, gulp, gulp.

"Doug, you bastard!"

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Good news, I have a ton of new ideas for these one shots!  
The bad news; I have next to none actually written to post.

I've picked RF4 back up and managed to unlock Rune Prana (which resulted in fangirling and loud squealing) and got Venti back just before marrying Dylas (because I refused to marry him until she was present, like a true friend). Also, a number of my newer ideas center around Dylas and Frey just because of the whole proposal ordeal between them. Some will be funny, others rather sad.


	12. Monica

It was a cold winter's morning, but it had stopped snowing by the time Monica finally got up. Her older sister, Shara, called her down for breakfast and she hurried to finish brushing her hair. Once done, she hurried downstairs to eat with her two family members.

"Where are you going?" Shara asked when Monica abruptly left the table after eating and came back with her snow boots on.

"I'm gonna go see Micah!" Monica replied eagerly while pulling on her hat, coat, and then mittens. "Bye, Shara!"

"Be careful, alright?" Shara responded, to which Monica merely nodded before she headed outside.

Monica headed to the right, reflecting on how just mere months ago she hadn't liked Micah at all. Her feelings had changed when he became her Rose Prince, and she finally noticed that he wasn't half bad. He also made some really yummy snacks, too.

She climbed up all the steps of the Sharance Tree and entered without knocking. Micah had told her that she could come visit whenever she wanted, which she took to heart. He treated her like a big girl, not a child like everyone else tended to do, which was another reason why she liked him. However, he wasn't home.

Monica sat down in one of the chairs to wait. Micah was always running around, even during festivals. He was probably out tending to his dungeon farms right now and would stop in soon. However, Monica felt rather sad. They only talked maybe once a day, which made her feel rather lonely. She was the only child left in Sharance and had only her sister and the other grown ups to play with her when they weren't busy, which was rare. Yet, when the blonde arrived in town he actually took the time to get on her good side and told her she could visit whenever she wanted.

The door opened and Micah stepped through, momentarily startled by Monica, but then smiled, "How are you, Monica?"

"You're late!" Monica yelled, feigning anger to cover her joy.

"Sorry, I was out harvesting." Micah apologized and then took out a few pieces of lumber from the corner and lit them on fire to warm them both up. "It should get warmer soon."

Monica took that as her invitation to stay and moved closer to the warmth of the fire.

"I hope Shara marries you." Monica whispered.

* * *

**AN: **Here's another oneshot I had laying around. I have a few more pre-written one shots hanging around that I post when updates are really slow.


	13. Dystopian Utopia

It was the susurrus of grass and leaves, the verdure of foliage, and the aberrant lack of ennui that characterized his incipience. He both craved and felt guilt for his need of the evanescent Elysium that doubled as his nightmare. Yet, he couldn't give up the way his muscles ached, the avaricious consumption of air, and the familiar sensation of a sword gripped tightly in his right-hand; he couldn't forget how they made his existence concrete, even if he only existed in death.

The rush of endorphins, the indomitable will to live, the melodious sound of _his _blade cutting into monsters over and over again. The Forest never slept. Through crepuscular skies, acrid winds, torrid humidity, and the torpid autumn there were always monsters, always more battles, and always the fleeting memories of a life that fell out of reach.

He could no longer remember how long he'd been there, his wife's voice had slipped away, and even his children's faces were also starting to wane with each passing day. He used to cry, used to wonder how they'd been, used to entertain their reunion, and he used to remember the warmth that encompassed his memories.

It was ineluctable that he'd lose his way, though how could he stray when a path never existed from the start? The aphotic hope and the slipping of self all sedulously leered over him in jest at his existence. The celerity of action before thought, the rush of adrenaline, the trepidation against a powerful foe, the clarity, and the knowledge that life still existed within him; they were addictive drugs. He annihilated for the high, his excuse of self-preservation the crudest of masks.

The everlasting knowledge of his depravity and despair only surfaced when he felt the ebullient pull on his soul. The sudden abysmal night was the illusion of death, but he felt only hopelessness that he'd forever fall with the knowledge that he'd truly passed without a fight. However, the umbrage was cast aside and harsh golden beams transported him.

The susurrus of life was whimsical and light. In the distance, he could hear the sounds of human life, the hustle-and-bustle, the sound of a large clock, the chatter, and there was the warmth that permeated the air. It was summer. He could tell from the heat and the way Alvarna smelled like the sea.

His surroundings were familiar to him. The dirt paths of compacted soil, the cleared vastness of the square, and the benches had barely changed in his absence. He ventured to his left but upon seeing the barn an acrid burn sprang into his chest. He eventually came upon a large staircase that was situated next to a farmhouse.

Tears sprang to his eyes when he recognized it as his home. He was afraid to believe because if it was an illusion he would surely be broken beyond repair. He proceeded with caution, taking in the scenery he'd forgotten, but in the distance he could hear two children talking in solemn tones. He felt the need to comfort them, to assure them that everything was alright, and that he'd never leave them again.

It was always just after he was able to catch a glimpse of the two children that he awoke in a cold sweat. He'd cried openly for the first month that the nightmare took place, remembering how it felt to finally see everyone again after so long, how warm his children had been and the reality that he'd returned. Life was majestic, vivid, and a blessing to him; yet, how had he fallen so far within only a few years.

The nightmare took on a new meaning to him as the seasons passed in succession. He was the gullible Kyle, a family man and father extraordinaire. Scholars and adventurers alike flocked to Alvarna to question him about the Forest of Beginnings and many of the latter often asked him to teach them swordsmanship. He was revered, his children were revered for defeating Firesome, and his wife had more students to teach at the academy than ever before. Life was perfect.

It was a façade that he used to hide the ennui he felt with his current life. The local monsters were no longer adequate opponents for him and people no longer challenged him to duels. His life became humdrum and he wore the mask to complete the set. His wife began to worry about him more and, not long after, he was approached by Gordon. The priest understood his guilt and his avaricious urge to fight, but he could only tell him that he'd have to find something to block out the urge. Gordon had found that in his family and religion.

He tried to find outlets, but none panned out as the nightmares became more frequent. Sometimes, his dreams bled into reality and the wind or sudden movements were enough to put him on the defensive. He tried to escape the need to sleep, he tried to escape the worry he was causing his family, and he tried to escape the urge to return to the Forest of Beginnings.

He had nowhere to run except his dreams. The false and Utopian Elysium that was evanescent, lasting only when the moon was bright, lured him to sleep in the evenings and left in the mornings with a bitter aftertaste. Yet, succumbing to the desire was far easier than fighting it. He still felt the urge to fight a real opponent, but his hunger was sated enough that he never left his family.

Sometimes, in the aftermath of dystopia, Kyle wondered when the hunger would become too much and he'd be eaten by the monster inside.

A voice always whispered in response, _you wanted a challenge._


End file.
